When You Find You

I have to admit, I am going through some difficult times right now. I hate the world. I hate a lot of things about it. Most of all, I hate someone. I hate this feeling - HATE. I don't want to feel hate but I have to, in order for me not to feel the pain. I posted a note around four months ago declaring my status and stand in life. I was ready and willing to take the risks.  And to quote: 

As always in life, there is a CHOICE. And my choice, LOVE is worth all the risk. In the film Y Tu Mama Tambien, one of the characters said that "Life is like a surf, so give yourself away to the sea." Somehow, this is how I feel right now. One cannot be involved with LOVE and not surrender everything to it. For if it not, that would be entirely selfish or worse it is a complete lie. 

   And this brings me to a realization, I was daring enough to take part of the benefits of love therefore I must also be brave enough to take all of its consequences including all the pain and hurt. It's just sad that after all that had happened, everything was a lie. It was all a lie. And I was fooled. I had fallen as a victim into a trap that I helped build. It's just sad. 

   So right now, I guess, I just have to start again. It's valentine's day today and we had so many plans. Not just for today but for a lifetime. It pains me to think about it. All the places we planned to go to, all the things we were supposed to do.  

   But it's really time for me to move on. As an old adage says: It does not do to dwell on the past and forget to live. So life has to go on. And I have to start now. Now.

 _____________________ 

And to YOU. Thank you - for teaching me valuable lessons even if our story lasted for just a few pages. I hope you will find what you are looking for. I hope you find you. And when you find you, don't be afraid to love again. Just make sure you're ready to really give your all and not just go with what your emotions tell you. Learn to open up yourself to love. Love fully, entirely, genuinely. That way, you wouldn't miss yourself again because you will find yourself in the person that you love.